He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
