Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Can i not drive my cunt home
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
