I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
