my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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