Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
