I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
