Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
