Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
