Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
