Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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