4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
