so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
