Your tits are I can't wait for
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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