Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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