Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
