in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
