you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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