shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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