I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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