Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
