that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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