Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
