just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
