why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
