My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
