Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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