I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
