Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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