Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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