are you so shy because you have an std?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
