Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
