NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there's paper in my vomit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
