How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want her autograph on my taint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
