hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
