No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
