i was rollin on her like bob the builder
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
