Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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