guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
