he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
