i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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