btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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