so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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