Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is Oprah even human
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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