you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
