My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
