We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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