But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
