pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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