I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
