I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Buhtt sex?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
