Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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