Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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